what a day.....

man...today i had one of the most "what a day" day.
event one...
i almost send myself to the gates of hell/heaven(of coz the latter is prefered) today.bloody hell...it was just another step that the pple i love and love me can say good bye to me.
it was a hot day,i wanna cross over to take 105 to Jason's hse.
i stopped for the big school bus to cross,but it stopped infront of me.in my usual 'what the fish' mode,i began to cross,unknowingly a black whatever car was driving fast. the next thing i know is a loud honk and the car was one inch next to me.
i stuck out my tongue and cooly walked to the bus stop and still with no expression of fear or anything on my bus.
strange enough,my first feeling is..."wha lao..paiseh sia!"
but my heart was thumping fast,but its not that fast,as in if i see my crush standing infront of me.

but hey...imagine that driver didnt stop in time...i wouldnt be typing all these..i would most probably be in the hospital.injuries if im lucky.coma if im not. and death if im extremely unlucky.
im not afraid of death if it was to come suddenly to me.but i was afraid to picture im going to die.like...if you ask me to think im old and lying on my death bed,im very scared as compared to a sudden death.

...and really,if my death would exchange the longevity and happiness of all my loves,i wouldnt mind.but i thought...its not possible.first i thought of my parents.im their hope,they need me...i am the one who will be bringing them a life they deserved(i hope).i thought of my lil' brother.he may not need me all his life..but still...i am his sister,in a way or another,i still feel responsible for him.i thought of jason...i cant imagine how he can deal...i mean,i dun wanna give such credits to myself,for i should be the last reason that he couldnt live without.
our lives aint born twinged together.
but instead..there are so much i wanna do for him...how will i be able to if im gone.
i thought of Junhan,weird enough.i do feel very responsible for his studies...yet..he slayed my cells today.(cont'd later)
and my frens and so...man,i could even vision my funeral....

and now..i guess really wanna thank God....if im to be spiritual enough,i could imagine my guardian angel holding me back on the road and stopping the car.
Thank god....just thank you.
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man im so full right now...

anyway went to Jason's hse.he made me noodles..did i love the ham?hehe.
and he showed me his brother and his childhood photos.
his brother just looked like a pretty lass in his baby times,i'd say.
and jason is a big head.haha..i picture auntie must have much difficulty getting him out.
now as i looked at the 2 kiddo photos of us...do i agree this 2 kinda looked like a pair.and i guess thats why pple say we got this 'couple look'.

but when he held me..he said one thing that really poured honey inside me.
he told me to be careful when i crossed the roads next time,how is he to do without me.(well...roughly that la)

jason just assured me time after time of all the things im afraid of...and it really makes me feel so much better each time.
i guess...really..even though time after time..i may wake up forget how great he is...i may still hankered for (im sorry dear..) ronald sometimes...i may still think he doesnt pay attention to my feelings...
boy,am i all wrong or what?
for this jason is still the best i could ever have....yet.haha.
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back to Junhan....ARGH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~did i mentioned i like the responsibility of being responsible for someone,and i like being a teacher?sure,i dun lie but that is ONLY when they do well for me!!

I CANT BELIEVE IT MAN!!

i just pray very hard that this twit can at least secure a pass for his exams,and i will be very thankful already!

today while i was coaching him maths..did i think he had improve alot already??
i dunno if im gonna bite my tongue,man!
i really dunno...all the things i thought him in the past..and he CAN do it...i dunno..its all like..formatted???

i thought he was tired...i gave him the encouragements,the rest,the soft way till..i am REALLY FEDUP that this guy needs some harsh way.
i threatened him badly that if he dares to not do any workings and anyhow choose a answer for his MCQ,i will definitely skin him alive.
and he innocently asked,"whats skin you alive"
i rolled my eyes and translate that to chinese.i think that scares him..and i dun like to use this kinda idiot method on him.
so i goes soft again.

i was there till 9.30pm..and when i left..the hydrochloric acid bites me.when i reached home,i wasnt very hungry but since my dad cooked,i have to eat...
and now...i regretted...it was good food...and now it sure 'goes to waist'

and now..i seriously pray hard for that dear kid of mine.....please..dear..dun let my efforts washed down the drain.
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what a day,what a day, what a day...